The Tired B versus The Rational B

The Tired B:
Sometimes, I wonder why I ever wanted to be involved in this kind of work. And to think that I really stuck with my decision to pursue my course even when I was faced with doubts from my relatives! No, I couldn’t say that I’m disillusioned. Before I got into this, I knew that there was going to be OT, lots of it. I knew this was not one of those nine to six day jobs where I can really call it a day at around 6:00pm and go home considering the work done. Done, as in I will be thinking of something new to do tomorrow. No.

I knew what I was getting into. I knew what I signed up for. And honestly, back then, I loved the thought of finishing a software project, even if it meant doing overtime. And getting paid for it. But facing my computer for more than eight hours now, trying to solve the bigger problems that suddenly mushroomed from out of nowhere after I solved the smaller problems, I’m wondering if I’m really meant for this kind of life. Yes, I know I’m whining. To hell with those cheerful and inspiring blogs that I often admire, today this blog is farthest from trying to be one of them. I need to vent. And I don’t care if I’m a 25 year old girl acting like a 13 year old brat. I so need a break.

The Rational B:
On the other hand, I might be just going through another phase. It’s probably the result of all of those late nights in the office (and house) taking its toll. If I really think about it, I don’t know what I want to do other than code. Or research. Research so that I can have something to code. Well, I could write, I think. But it wouldn’t be as much fun as coding and seeing it run. Seeing the customers use it with my own eyes would be a plus. In this company, I doubt that would happen, though. The customers are miles away.

So there I have it. I have my answer. I might not believe it now as passionately as I did, but it’s still the same. And for now, that’s enough.

As long as you have an answer that you believe in passionately, then that’s enough. If you don’t have an answer, then save yourself a lot of grief…